Why I Write

8/13/18

“All writers are vain, selfish, and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives there lies a mystery.”  George Orwell

Since I have written about many things over the past 50 years, I recently asked myself, “Why do I write.”  “Who is my audience?” “What is my purpose in jotting things down?”

At first, I assumed that I was committing my thoughts to paper because there was a need to document current thoughts. Debrief after a meeting. Further clarify or reinforce or remember events and people. Some of my writing informed or entertained a certain audience. Some just to communicate my thoughts and feelings in a way that did not need an immediate response or any feedback at all.

Other writing came under a pseudonym so that I could say something that needed to be said without necessarily attributing it to me. There was another “me” who was disguised, an “avatar.” I could be gay, female, young, or black.  In some of these cases, I never admitted to anyone that it was I who held the pen. Some of my most satisfying moments came from being entirely free to express myself without assuming either the blame or the credit. The method I used was primarily through the medium of poetry.

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
– Oscar Wilde

Writing for Descendants

Another audience, obviously more public than internally focused, is my legacy: kids, grandkids, and further beyond.  When pursuing genealogy, I came across several letters from relatives and friends. Many of these folks have since passed on but their information and thoughts are much valued.  They represent a period of time and events that preceded me by decades. Though not being personally here, they provide me with insights and permanency I would never have had.

This particular audience will be able, if they care, to glean from an ancestor successes and failures, as well as idiosyncrasies and tendencies, that they may resonate with and own themselves. “So that’s why I feel or do things that may be a ‘bubble off. It’s because of my eccentric grandfather.” The written word may become the DNA of what he thought.

Writing to Think and Create

But the primary audience for my writing has been for me.  With so many ideas and feelings flooding through my brain without any sort of logic, reasoning, coherence, or priority, writing has the advantage of making sense in a non-sensical world.  Messiness yields to order. Chaos succumbs to reason. Structure leads to critical thinking, planning, and action.

Writing also gives me the chance to create.  By crafting a poem, a letter, or just a brief essay, I am able to create something that seeks a way of expressing my individuality in words carefully chosen to inspire or entertain – me or others.  Maybe words that express truth that strikes a chord or an emotion that gives voice to new understanding, attitude, or action.

So, writing becomes a conversation with myself.  There are several of “me” capable of this conversation including, but not exclusively: the humorous, the factual, the sensitive, respectful, creative, embarrassed, historical, dreamer, and artsy.  Why have a conversation with myself?  Sometimes, I am the most interesting person available. I can also disagree with myself without becoming excessively defensive.