“Thanksgiving 2020 is far better than Thanksgiving 1986!” Tom Kennedy
Life is a series of changes: marriage, family, births, deaths, seasons, and jobs. We have no control over most of these changes. Death of a family member or close friend, the transition of spring to summer and fall to winter – they all descend upon us without our input or approval. We accept them because we have no choice and we take no responsibility. We can only be accountable for our response.
Jobs, on the other hand, are implicitly our own choices. We seek employment for a variety of reasons: to pay bills, fulfill ambitions, or to do something that is meaningful and worthwhile. Regardless of the motivating factors, choice is involved, and personal responsibility for that choice is unavoidable.
When that job choice and responsibility entangles other people – in particular family members – the gravity of that choice increases exponentially. The “what ifs” can explode into scenarios that reject objectivity and promote paralysis. But ultimately the essence of personal responsibility cannot be avoided.
The following notes were gleaned from personal notes and journal entries from the time period shortly after the decision was made to take a job 990 road miles to the west of Wilmington, Illinois.
Thursday, November 24, 1986
In a few hours, Eric, John, and I will be going to Jack A.’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. Jack is the VP for Development at Regis and one of only three people that I know at Regis. He and I had previously worked at Lewis University in Illinois in different departments. It is very kind of him and his family to invite us for dinner.
It would be easy to feel sorry for myself at being apart from Dolores on key occasions – Father’s Day, our mutual birthdays, and Thanksgiving – but it is far gloomier to view it from my wife’s point of view. She is left with the project of selling the house, leaving her jobs and friends, seeing the kids being scattered, abandoning her aged father, and entering the unknown Colorado frontier.
I have been in Denver at Regis College for 6 months. Son Eric is a transfer junior at Regis High School and John is in his 3rd year of college, first year at Regis College. Both kids seem to be acclimated to the new scene, at least as well as could be expected. It helps that both of them are involved in sports and now have teammates/friends here.
The rest of the family is back in Illinois where Dolores is still working at Providence High School and Doc’s Drugs while living in our house in Wilmington that is on the market. Tom is working at the Morris Herald-News, and Jacquie is a senior at the College of St. Francis. Bob? He is starting his freshman year at Creighton University in Omaha, Nebraska.
Each member of the family has a story about the disruption caused by my move to this new job. My hope is that all of them will be able to look back some years from now and put together their individual narratives and assess the merits/demerits as the result.
Since landing in Denver back on June 7th and assuming my duties as Assistant to the President, I have been living on the campus in West Hall with Eric. John is living in one of the dorms on campus making it easy for the three of us to get together quite often. My duties as Assistant? They change almost weekly.
A year ago, while working for the College of St. Francis as Director of Graduate Studies (Health Services Administration), I was in Georgia establishing new locations for classes and visiting the CSF undergrad classes. It was on Wednesday, November 15, 1985 that I took a day’s drive north to the Georgia mountains where I sat amidst the trees and made my decision that I would commit to working at Regis College. (Only the year before in November of 1984, I was on a similar trip and had time to attend the funeral of Martin Luther King, Sr. at the Ebenezer Baptist Church.)
So much had happened between that date in November of 1985 and the present time. In the spring of 1986, family matters that involved 6 other people were complex. Tom and Jacquie were staying in Illinois, but the other three kids were changing schools. Once I had made the commitment to Regis and severed the ties to St. Francis, our house in Wilmington was listed for sale. My hope is that the Wilmington house can be sold soon and that a house in Colorado can be acquired before January. At that time, Dolores can join me and Eric in the Denver area. (The house prices in Denver are double that of Wilmington.)
My job description at Regis was intentionally vague; do whatever I do best, but Regis wanted new initiatives and programs. Such a notion was filled with great latitude to be creative and innovative but fraught with ambiguity and vagueness. The president is behind me without question, but I had no idea about the lay of the land and institutional political realities. My first project was to work with the other assistant to the president to develop a partnership with Coors Brewing in Golden.
If I had the time to reconsider the risks involved in the career transition to Colorado, I could easily cast doubt on the wisdom of my decision. Fortunately, I have neither the time nor the inclination to question that decision. Get on with the job(s) confidently and without delay. This is no time to second guess.
Time to leave for Thanksgiving dinner at Jack’s house.
UPDATE – Thursday, November 26, 2020
Thirty-four years later, our family members are settled and living in Colorado, Illinois, and Ohio. Over that period of time, there were a few bumps and detours, but I can confidently say that all is well that ends well. Dolores and I, like everyone else, are staying safe during the virus that plagues our country. Kids and grandkids are doing fine, and we look forward to the time we all can have Thanksgiving together again.
Braidwood Beginnings 