“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”
Spike Milligan
There is ample evidence that my role as a father was deficient in many ways. That is not to say that my failures were predominant during the past nearly 60 years. The five kids that my wife and I raised were more than sufficient evidence that we did ok. All five are outstanding parents of our 14 grandkids. (Most of the positive outcomes, I admit, were the result of my wife’s parenting.)
An example of my ineptness, when good sense simply eluded me, was my choice of a movie to take the family to during a 3-day vacation trip to Dubuque, Iowa. I had been to the rolling hills of Dubuque many times during college basketball and baseball trips and always enjoyed the area.
On the outskirts of the town along the Mississippi we stayed in a motel and thought we would see “Animal House”, for a funny family movie . The kids, four boys and one girl, were between five and eleven years old.
Needless to say, the movie on the big screen was hilarious from beginning to end but included several party and graphic scenes that might be judged as highly inappropriate for immature audiences. But acting a little immature myself, I thought that they would really enjoy this classic movie.
My wife once again had much better judgment than I had. She quickly recognized that our five-year old, in particular, might need to leave at certain points and visit the bathroom. She took him at least 5 times during the movie.
(It should be noted that I had seen the movie before and thought it suitable for the kids. Further evidence of my lack of judgment.)
The other kids appeared to enjoy the flick and I determined that no lasting moral damage had been done.
Years later, we continued to enjoy family togetherness by routinely going out for ice cream or, on a rare occasion, going out for a pizza. When son Tom became a freshman resident student at the College of St. Francis, we stopped one fall evening to pick him up. Lacking anything like a mobile phone, I repeatedly asked son Bob, now 14 years old, to fetch his older brother. But Bob consistently refused. I asked “Why?” and he said,
“They might be having fun I don’t understand.”
Was he envisioning a scene from “Animal House?”
But any family that enjoyed the luxury of five teenager living in the same house – at the same time (in Wilmington) – will have many stories that resonate with mine. Later in life when Bob had his own version of kids (2 boys, 2 girls), his early experiences led him to a sound philosophical conclusion about young boys.
“One boy = one brain. Two boys = ½ brain. Three boys = no brain. Four or more boys = negative brains.”
It sounds about right, doesn’t it? (He didn’t say anything about a father who might periodically exhibit 1/2 a brain.
“The worst part of being a parent is when one of your kids farts and you have to pretend it wasn’t cool.”
Rob Delaney
Braidwood Beginnings 