Human Warning Labels: “Best Used By” and “Expiration Dates”

Long live my marbles!

“…and Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech 782 years, and begat sons and daughters: And all the days of Methuselah were 969 years, and he died.”

Genesis 5, 26-27

“Methuselah lived 900 years, and who calls that livin,’ When no gal will give in, To no man what’s 900 years.”

Porgy and Bess, Gershwin

The unique aspect of being human is the fact that we are fully aware that each life on earth has an expiration date. I’m not sure that a dog has any such awareness about dying. Of course, that can also be said of humans before the age of 30. They tend to think like a canine. They will live forever and as a result they set the expired stage far too early.

The sun, according to the scientists, will die in about five billion years when it runs out of energy. Dinosaurs lived about 245 million years, and human are only 300,000 years old so far. My old 1956 Ford was only good for 100,000 miles. The point is that sooner or later everything is best used by and then die.

Going to the store, we always check the “best use by” printed on the container. (Once you can figure out where it is printed.) Then put it into the frig because that is our guide for determining food edibility. Only a few days past the date? Probably still good in my estimation. 

Wouldn’t it be worthwhile for each of us to have time clocks like “expiration date” and “best use by” codes with our birth certificates? Annual doctor visits might update the information so that we could always be reminded how much time is left.

After all, clocks are used in most sporting events. We know ahead of time that basketball and football may have four 15-minute quarters but may go into a limited overtime. I once played a college basketball game that went through five overtime periods still tied, and then settled in “sudden death” in the sixth. (That would be my life wish: many overtimes and end in sudden death.)

Better yet, our individual body parts might also be tagged. Baseball does it now. Managers and coaches have analytics that indicate the number of pitches their pitcher’s arm can throw before becoming less than effective. “90 pitches and he’s coming out.” 

Growing up in Braidwood, buying food, storing it, and eating it was not nearly as complicated as it is now. I would be sent on my bike to Shaughnessy’s Meat Market and ask for “one pound of lean roast beef.” Bring it home, mom cooks it, and we have burgers and potatoes. Leftovers went into the ice box and stayed there until the next day or many days later. 

Milk and cream were delivered by the Weber Dairy guy (Bob) and was placed into the ice box where it was stored. A few days later, dad might complain that the cream in his coffee was sour, and mom would throw it out. That was why dad started drinking his coffee black. The same process was used for any other foods. Leftovers were good until they went bad.

I still find myself testing food that has been in our refrigerator by smelling and tasting it and concluding that “it still is good.” Some fruit, however, can be judged just by its appearance. “The raspberries have white hair around them. Better not eat them.” (Or cut that part out.)

Come to think of it, the brain might be labeled “use it or lose it.” Try feeding the brain with new information, experiencing unfamiliar surroundings, socializing with different people (not like yourself), and trying brain games. I know people who stopped exercising their brains years ago, but the body continues on autopilot. “Don’t make me think.”

As one of my sons told me, “Keep writing, dad, before you lose your marbles.” As a superannuated, octogenarian guy, that is my challenge. So, I continue to write. (See: https://braidwoodguy.com/2020/03/31/keep-on-writing-dad-before-you-lose-your-marbles/

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.