Lost Opportunities: Absence of Civil Discourse

“Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.”

Sigmund Freud

Does it not seem as though symbolic rock throwing in the form of diatribes, insults, and rudeness appear to be the dominant form of social media communication? Symbolic rock throwing may even cause more anger and hurt, while cementing and expanding the divisions between us.

In the present era, meaningful conversations among and between people are limited to dialogue with those with whom you already agree. Other conversations, more polite than meaningful, exclude controversial such as politics and religion. Rare indeed are those opportunities when people with different views on contentious topics can engage in meaningful dialogue.

Examples of Honest Discourse

Absence, of course, are mutually agreed upon facts which underlie any credible exchange of ideas. Instead, we have opinions grounded in other opinions, shouting at one another via social media and hate-laden messages that successfully alienate and fuel our tribal instincts.

Over the past few years, there have been few instances when I have had the opportunity to grasp the basis for totally different views of current racial issues. Their words revealed a belief that was diametrically different than mine but clarified our different views. It also exposed our mutually exclusive backgrounds and experiences.

• An older man, a friend for the past 50 years, expressed his opinion regarding the potential election of a Black president. He asked, “Don’t you think that he will only be looking out for his own people?” 

• A friend I went to school with and one that I regard highly for his work in the community stated that a former president was “…only saying things that we all think.” 

I appreciated their willingness to honestly express their opinions. I could see why they felt the way that they did, even though I disagreed and was taken aback as I heard their words. In both instances, we briefly and cordially continued our discussions without going into details.

Later, upon further reconsideration and reflection, I attributed our differences to previous life experiences. My biased lens was from a distinct era and singular experiences different from theirs. That my perspective could be so radically different from longtime friends was unsettling but educational. It was direct and honest. In the first instance I thought:

• Would we ask that a white candidate might “only be looking out for his own people?” 

In the second instance:

• “…only saying things that we all think” assumes that I would think the same way as my friend. I don’t, but I guess that my friend is surrounded by people who do think that way. 

Although both exchanges were very brief, they provided insights that explained our different perspectives. Unfortunately, there was no follow-up or ongoing dialogue. 

Lewis as a Lab

These conversations made me think about the 1960s and 1970s, a time when race dialogue was more common. Perhaps the environment at Lewis College was more conducive to the raw, unadulterated reality of black and white. Living within the confines of a campus, dormitory life, diverse contestants in athletic contests, and eating together in the cafeteria eliminated the social distances that the rest of society had. Lewis, in many ways, served as a laboratory for social conflict that could be mitigated by discourse and dialogue. 

That is not to say that all was peaceful and that all social interactions were civil.  Shouting, protests, some physical confrontations, and outbursts did occur, but the seeds for understanding and respectful dialogue were planted within many people in our community. We were learning more about one another, sometimes unwittingly and unwillingly.

Where to Go From Here?

I am hopeful but not optimistic that the nation’s divide can be healed in the near future. There are far too many people that fit my demography who are unwilling or incapable of dealing with change. I am optimistic that my grandkids’ generation will end much of the bias and foolishness that their grandparents generated and perpetuated. In the meantime, let’s make a sincere attempt at better, less polite, honest communication and dialogue.