Nicknames vs “Knocknames”

Nickname: an additional or substitute name given to a person, place, or thing  usually descriptive and given in fun, affection, or derision, as “Doc,” “Shorty,” etc. a familiar, often shorter, form of a proper name, as “ Dick” for “ Richard” (Merriam Dictionary)

Knockname: a substitute name meant to demean, dehumanize, or otherwise degrade another human being and perpetrated by a bully. (TRK)

Dear Grandkids:

If you are paying attention to national news, and I hope that you are, you will notice that some of our leaders use language that is inappropriate and downright unethical. By attacking others who are different and using nicknames that degrade or de-humanize, they weaponize speech.

Almost everyone, sooner or later, acquires an informal name that is different from their formal name. Thomas James Kennedy, my father, was generally referred to as “Tommy” or “TJ” by his friends and family. People in my hometown of Braidwood had nicknames that might be acquired via a shortened version or a name that had nothing to do about their formal names. And most of those nicknames were respectful.

I say that “most” nicknames were respectful, but some were not.  By intentionally placing a “knockname” on an individual or a group that is meant to demean, belittle, embarrass, or dehumanize, people compensate for their own weaknesses as human beings. You must do better than that. But there are times when you just didn’t know better.

Let me give you an example of my own ignorance when I was growing up in my hometown of Braidwood.

My friend Pete and I played baseball and basketball together in pickup games when I was about 11 years old. One day, I mentioned his dad’s nickname to him, a nickname everyone in town knew and used indiscriminately. “Dummy.” His dad was deaf at birth which impaired his speech. So, in our minds, Pete’s dad was “deaf and dumb.” 

When I said that word to Pete, he said, “My dad doesn’t like being called that.” I never used that nickname again. Lesson: If a person doesn’t like being labeled disrespectfully, don’t do it. And be the one who speaks out when your friends do it.

Nationalities can also be labeled as being stupid, lazy, gangster, devious, or cunning. Your generation is less likely to do this as most of you have ancestors from multiple nationalities. 

Who are the Perpetrators?

As you were growing up, you probably were confronted by fellow classmates who made fun of you or intimidated you. Bullies always have existed and they bully because of their own sense of insecurity or strength.  By putting you down, that might give them the sense of superiority. They are usually surrounded by others who agree and laugh with them because they are fearful of having the bully’s wrath bestowed upon them.

Unfortunately, these same bullies sometimes never mature and grow out of this behavior. Their own sense of self-worth continues to be dependent upon ridiculing others through name calling and ridicule. 

I am completely confident that you grandkids will never treat others in a disrespectful manner and you will “call out” those who do. 

By the Way

I also had nicknames that were applied to me over the years, such as “Stretch” and “Turtle.” How did I acquire these names? “Stretch” because of being tall (6’4”) in baseball and basketball and “Turtle” because of wearing turtleneck sweaters in high school. (In a 1991 Wall Street Journal article, I was identified as “the new ventures maven,” which was a good thing, I think.)

Disclaimer: To my knowledge, I never had nicknames like “Einstein,” “Popeye,” “Shakespeare,” or “Mr. America.” But I also veered away from taking myself too seriously, a family trait, despite rumors that my books are being considered by the NYTimes as potential best sellers.

With all my love,

Poppy (my favorite nickname)