Calluses on the Feet? Not on the Heart!

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

Leo Tolstoy

If you ever had calluses on the bottom of your feet, you will know how painful that can be. Caused by walking unevenly, the thickness grows, layer over layer, until the core of the growth painfully penetrates the nerves. 

Likewise, our unwillingness to be open, to change, to learn, to love, and to care may cause callus formations on our hearts with even more painful results. 

It was so easy at age 18 to accept the world as we saw it. Things were right or wrong, good or bad and our future roles would be to change and straighten the world. It was not very complicated.  We had learned from our parents, our teachers, our religion, and our community that the world was waiting for us to make a difference. All in accordance to the principles and standards we knew.

Yes, everything at that early stage was black and white, and we knew the answers to the questions that would arise. And we stayed in that wonderful assuredness for a while as we began to deal with real life. 

I was fortunate to live in Braidwood in the 1940s and 1950s and had the experience of living amongst a moderately diverse population. We had darker and lighter-skinned people, and a variety of nationalities. We considered ourselves as neither rich nor poor. We simply knew one another.

As we got older, we discovered that black and white was being gradually overtaken by a world of grey. The world had invaded us with various shades, and it wasn’t as easy to deal with life’s issues and world problems as we had thought. Our simple solutions were not so simple.

This new reality challenged and questioned our early assumptions. Some of us would amend our thinking and accept the fact that some of our former views were in fact either not quite true or grossly mistaken.  Given new perspectives and data, we found it necessary to adjust our thinking by “unlearning” some of our older views while maintaining our core values. This process of unlearning and learning would continue to be a lifelong journey 

Others would doggedly clutch the past beliefs, not allowing their early assumptions to be disputed. Our pre-18 world was safe and comfortable.

In either case, the choice would never simply be an intellectual decision, but rather a combination and synchronization of the “heart” and the “head.”  For me, I had to go through the process of learning, unlearning, and otherwise de-calcifying my old thinking while maintaining the valid core principles that were ingrained in me.

“The time we learn what to unlearn is the time we grow up.” 

Bishmeet Singh

The following poem was the genesis of my attempt to express my thoughts.

Calluses on the Heart

Every year the calluses grow harder and deeper.
Some developed because of deep scars,
Hurt feelings, inherited prejudices, and tragedies,
By perpetrators known and unknown.
Some developed from self-infliction.
These calluses intended to protect us from future hurts,
Now shield us from caring.
 
Many calluses developed from fear…
Of the known, unknown, and imagined.
Based on ignorance and isolation,
Learned from peers, family, friends.
Biases and hatred instilled long ago.
 
But every day calluses make us less sensitive,
Harder, layer upon layer upon layer.
Until beliefs are static and impenetrable.
Shielding us from change.
Keeping us from evolved knowledge.
 
Then one day we feel the pain,
Callus cores reaching further into our nerves.
When even the slightest touch hurts.
Challenging our core beliefs.
Confronting the myths and folklore,
Unfounded attitudes that were entrenched.
 
Calluses on the heart,
Unseen by x-rays and cardiograms,
Reduce our humanity,
Our caring anymore,
And we are reduced to near nothing.
 
The lucky ones grasp this reality
Before the calluses grow too deep.
They shave away and remove the hardened skin,
Back to the sensitivity of the babe,
Open once again to the goodness of life.
 
Willing to risk and hurt and learn,
To feel alive to life of all,
Accepting and respecting differences.
Unafraid, emerging, vulnerable,
Naked to the world and nature.
 
To others.
Friends, strangers,
Like me, unlike me.
Old, young,
White, Black, and Brown,
Gay, straight,
Allies and Aliens.
 
Now open, accommodating, and de-callused.