Letter to Grandkids: Reverse the Engines

On October 26, 2018 on the advice of my friend Allan Service, I published my first blog on https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/braidwoodguy.com/16. Since that time, 80 blog articles have been published and promulgated via Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter with viewers coming from many countries.

The primary focus of these articles has been, and continues to be, on our 14 grandkids. Why the grandchildren? They represent the future of the world. How can these blogs help better prepare them for this world? My hope is that they might learn from the ancestors as described in the articles, as well as from myself. 

To that point, I have described events and factors that have helped to shape my life. I was about to say “formed,” as in formation, but that would be incorrect. My life has been a continuous series of “transformations.” 

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man.” 

Heraclitus

Momentous events, like marriage and job changes, may mark the most dominant and significant life changing events; but sometimes a book or a conversation can spark some revelation that changes my thinking.

Whatever the relative merits of the events, my presumption has been that some of the personal stories might merit sharing with the grandkids. But since they have other sets of grandparents, these kids should be eager to learn about those ancestors as well.

My search for family history, begun when I was about 30 years old, prompted me to learn as much as possible about my predecessors. I was beginning to have a better understanding and appreciation for the difficulties they faced as well as their sacrifices to improve their children’s lives. As with most of us, I missed opportunities to learn more from them while they were alive. Somehow, the priorities of education, jobs, marriage, raising our family precluded the luxury of time and attention to previous generations.

Now a Confession

I had made the choice to share 80 stories that I thought that the grandkids needed to know about life as seen through the fading eyes of an old man. This is not the same as telling stories that they want to know. Why not invite them to ask their questions?  By putting together these two non-conflicting perspectives, telling and asking, we might have a more meaningful balance.  

Caveat: Since I still have seniority, I will continue to address issues that they would not have otherwise considered.

Apprehension Alert: Questions are Beginning

Our 14 grandkids range in age between 6 and 25. Eleven are 20+ so I anticipated some tough inquiries. Here are some samples I have received so far:

• What is something you wish you knew when you were our age?
• Why did you choose to move to Denver after living in Illinois your whole life? 
• What is a philosophy that you live by that you think leads to a happy life? 
• My perception of you is someone who always knows what to do when trouble comes. Write about a time when were you unsure and afraid.
• What was something as a kid that you could spend hours doing and never get tired of it?
• Teaching – directly or indirectly – is a big part of who you are. As opposed to operating on condescension, you operate on compassion. What’s the best mindset to have when sharing advice & knowledge?
• Who is your favorite grandkid? (I plead the 5th on this one.)

There are also several questions of a more personal nature that I will answer only in confidential letters and available only to the grandchildren group. 

Thinking more about the questions that the grandkids are asking, I have reflected on questions I would ask, if it were possible, to my parents. Until I heard from the kids, I hadn’t thought of writing out my own set of questions. What might be the purpose to do this? 

My brother and sister have been wonderful resources for more information and might be able to fill in some gaps or at least give an opinion. They both have quite different perspectives and exposures to our parents and relatives.

In addition to my siblings, there are others who might have insights that were handed down from their parents. These might be cousins, distant relatives, and friends of our family. Their narratives, stories, pictures, or data could unearth nuggets of information.

My questions to dad:

• Tell me about your mom. I never had the chance to meet her and you knew her only until you were 10 when she died in childbirth in 1924. What was that like? 
• Tell me about your older sisters, Florence and Rita.  
• You never said anything about your mother’s parents. Who were they? And your mother’s grandparents?
• You travelled out of state to work during the Depression. Where did you go and what did you do?

Questions to mom:

• Tell me more about your siblings, my aunts and uncle.
• Talk to me about the day you eloped at the age of 17. How was this received by your parents?
• What training did you have to become a seamstress?
• How did you deal with the trauma of seeing your first born being run over by a car and then slowly recovering?

I have many more, but these are a few starters. Future blogs will address the questions from the grandkids first. Should be interesting.